In my 40 plus years I have been through a lot. I always, in my mind, thought I wanted to be a strong independent woman. In my youth, I rebelled from the tight grip my parents had in my life. I longed to make my own decisions and live my life as I felt. I made dumb choices and screwed a lot of things up. Lucky for me, a man came into my life who changed my view on things. He saved me like my very own prince charming. In a moment I was hooked on him, and he left me only wanting more of him. He allowed me to spread my wings, but would bring me back to earth when I went to far. He has always made me want to be a better me, and forgive my past. Because of dumb mistakes, bad times in my life and my parents control I had walls that were impossible to break through. But one day by some miracle I had the overwhelming feeling I could break my own walls. I wanted to give him something I never thought I could, my submission to him. In a way I had always been submissive I just couldn't admit it in my own mind. Did that make me weak to give him that much power over me? I struggled for a long time in my own mind. Then in a moment I realized that my strength was in having the control to give this gift to him. I love his stern voice, his corrective tone, his pushing me to be my best. I longed to feel his strong hands on my body, his hands on my neck and to be lost in his power over me. As I began to discover my own need to submit, I began to share my interest in sensory deprivation, spankings while having sex and some hands around my neck. I enjoyed it more and more, I loved to feel his man strength on my delicate body.
As I wanted it more and more, I realized that this desire is my true self. I didn't want to be strong and independent I wanted to release that control to the right person. The man who I love more than anything, and trust with all that is within me. I felt my walls start to crumble as I desired to give him this gift more and more. I truly thought I had lost my marbles as this went against everything a 90s girl was raised on. But being over 40 I felt it was time to really embrace my true self and not what the world thought I should be. I wanted to feel light as a feather in his control, to serve him as my king and live life as my authentic self.
I finally got the nerve to tell my sweet, loving amazing husband of 20 plus years this is what I desired. He was so hesitant and almost afraid it was a trap. Lol. He gave it a go... but we weren't being our authentic selves. Basically we were trying to live someone else's life, almost like a game or role play. After a short while it kind of faded but some things stayed. We did some drunken truth games, tried some new kinky things and just explored. About 8 months later we came together again and really talked about what we both desired. Turned out he wanted this almost as much as me. I believe that we realized our own truth as a couple and found peace knowing it was what we both desired. From there we studied, wrote rules that best served us and said our vows on a beautiful mountain rim.
Never in a million years would I say this has been easy, but for us some of it just comes naturally. I feel so much pride when I am a good girl, and make him feel loved and appreciated. I truly feel awful if I do something that displeases him, but take my punishment without hesitation. Everyday we learn and grow in our new journey. I feel closer to him than I ever have. I long to care for my king, and blush when he spoils me as his queen with gifts or sweet notes.